I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
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