the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
