She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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