some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
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