Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
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