I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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