Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
either way he was missing a nipple.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
