Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize
