so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
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