i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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