so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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