12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
