he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
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