I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Randomize
