If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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