You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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