I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
