i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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