We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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