dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
