If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
