When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
