This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Randomize
