So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
one might say we're banned from that church
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
