I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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