Tell her she can't have a vagina
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Randomize
