I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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