I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
sarcasm needs its own font
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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