Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
