talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
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