My first STD was from a foam party
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Randomize