Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Randomize
