my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
