so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
