yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
