I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Randomize
