Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
