Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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