How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
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