You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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