DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
