my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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