All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
