The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
