how can u be prego again
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
