How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
