But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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