Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
not ubering you a puppy
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
