New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
