I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Randomize
