When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
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