Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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